My Personal Blog

Just on everything that I see…

Infidelity And Its Damaging Effects To The Family Unit

Published under Family by Alex Archer. No Comments .

by Alex Archer

The family unit is considered an ideal institution. A married man and woman, and their children, are the gold standard of a family. Couples in a loving married relationship can enjoy a fulfilling family life with their children. Infidelity, however, can upset the dynamics of a family unit.

What is infidelity? It is a violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules of a relationship and a breach of faith in an inter-personal relationship. We often mean infidelity to sexual infidelity in marriage. It may be called as adultery or cheating. Infidelity can cause total damage to the family.

The impact of infidelity on the family unit is devastating. the affected partner, upon discovering the affair, often experiences a variety of emotions including rejection, shock, anger, disappointment, and pain. The intensity of these feelings may be so severe that the affected partner finds they have ineffective coping mechanisms.

Often, the first reaction of the affected partner is to terminate the marriage because they find it difficult to forgive the cheating partner. Sometimes women may try to forgive their unfaithful husbands due to a deep love for them or if the husband shows he is truly sorry for his actions. Women may wish for a second chance to live a faithful life with their husband.

Often, the pain of infidelity spreads beyond the affected partner and impacts the entire family. The family unit may be broken up through separation or divorce, and innocent children must experience the painful process and needlessly suffer from the mistakes of their parents.

Peace within the family is often shattered due to infidelity. Arguments, fueled by high emotions, can sometimes escalate to assault. Children exposed to this type of environment experience deep emotional pain and a high level of insecurity when they see their parents fight.

Children are the innocent victims of infidelity. They wish only to live a peaceful life with their parents together under the same roof. The sudden event of a divorce or separation shatters the childrens’ emotional stability, leaving them feel insecure.

The impact of infidelity on the family unit is enormous. Children may have to live with either the father or the mother, creating a void in the children’s lives when they miss the love of the other parent. It is especially difficult for very young children, whose healthy development is dependent upon both parents being together. The impact of the separation also creates a stigma for the family among neighbors and friends.

About the Author:

Cheating Our Children

Published under Family by Alex Archer. No Comments .

by Alex Archer

Extra marital affairs are unfortunately all too common these days. You hear about them everywhere; from your favorite Tv show to celebrity gossip magazines to whispers around the water cooler at the office. Do you ever think about the debilitating effects that infidelity has on our society? Can all of this duplicitious behavior be good for our emotional health as a people?

Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery is one of the Ten Commandments So even in biblical times married men and women were prone to the urge to have extra-marital affairs. Adultery in those days was often punished by public humiliation and in some cases the death penalty.

Although we may fool ourselves that we have progressed since then, most of the problems that beset society then are still prevalent now. Infidelity is like a stone dropped into a pond; and its effects can can encompass friends and family anjd spread to the whole of society.

Children often feel the effects of this more than anyone. They see their parents as role models on whom they shape their actions and behaviours in adult life. Seeing their parents deceive and lie to one another is unlikely to help them treat others well in later life.

Lots of couples who’ve been involved in affairs end up in divorce. This weakens our moral compass as a nation. If the sanctity of marriage can be as temporary as you want to make it, what reason do we have for making it work in the long run?

Maybe more a more common way of dealing with infidelity is to try and work the marriage out and not tell the children of a parent’s philandering ways. Often these marriages become bitter vicious circles of mistrust and anger and provide a poor example of how adults should act and what life as a family should be.

When children are surrounded by tales of deceit and lies, it provides them with an unstable learning environment. This happens today in our society even in the office of the President. They are our future and for them to see the repercussions of weak relationships has a devastating effect on our society.

The men and women in our society should make it a common goal to be faithful when the enter into matrimony. It will help our country become healthier and happier people and give our children secure environments to grow up in.

About the Author:

Cheating On Trust

Published under Family by Alex Archer. No Comments .

by Alex Archer

When adults are unfaithful, it doesn’t just affect them; it also affects their children. In fact, the effects may even be more devastating for the younger generation. Kids may blame themselves in the short term and also suffer from problems in their own relationsips in the long term.

Feelings of guilt often plague children whose parents have had affairs. Often, these kids will actually assume the blame, believing they somehow contributed to the actions of their parents. Feelings of confusion, anger, and distrust can result, and this will materialize in the way the kids view themselves and their parents.

One of the main things that gives children a sense of security is the relationship between their parents. If their parents are having problems, children may start to act out and become afraid of what lays ahead for them. Even if there is just the thought of infidelity which puts a strain on the relationship, children will feel it.

When an affair occurs, family dynamics also change. Siblings may act out against one another, often aggressively; and emotional detachment between family members is certain. Brothers and sisters may not trust one another, and they may also blame each other for what is going on.

Infidelity can ruin family life at home. Often, parents attempt to put on masks to conceal their problems. However, children can see right through these, and things end up being even worse than before. An atmosphere of instability prevails and negates what the children need the most.

In the future, the effects of infidelity on kids can continue into their own relationships. They may have trust issues with their partner, creating feelings of jealousy and doubt. This can end up destroying any relationship that they have because they will always think back to what their parent did and wonder if their partner will do the same thing.

The ultimate sacrifice that an unfaithful parent might make is a total breakdown of their relationship with their child. Although emotional wounds might heal on the surface, the deep scars of anger and resentment tend to never go away. Children will more than likely carry these well into adulthood and will always have memories of what happened.

The battle is not over for couples who work through the affair and choose to stay married rather than getting a divorce. Their children will still suffer well after the act of infidelity has ended. Children may live in a constant state of wondering when and if their parent may cheat again. They will need help working through the aftermath of the affair as well.

About the Author:

Dealing With Infidelity And The Associated Feelings

Published under Family by Alex Archer. No Comments .

by Alex Archer

Love is something that nearly everyone is searching for. A loving marriage provides a social arrangement that some find leads to a fulfilled life. This fulfilled life can quickly turn to empty when one spouse cheats on the other. The pain, hurt, rage, mental anguish, and feelings of being rejected make it hard for any couple to pull through infidelity.

What to do if hurt by infidelity? It is too difficult to withstand the stress and mental agony. However, you should realize that it is not the end of the world. If you have children, you need to continue your life for the sake of your loving children. Even if you do not have children, you need to continue the wonderful life given by God for your own sake.

Most people have no clue what they should do if they are hurt by infidelity. The associated upsets and disappointments can be overcome. The first thing you can do is try to salvage your relationship. If you find that you still love your spouse, even through the hurt and distrust, try to work things out. If they are truly repentant and swear they will never cheat again, you should try to give them one more chance.

Whatever you do, do not let children who are involved feel the pain or responsibility of their parent’s mistake. Do not take out your feelings on them or expect them to be the ones you can pour your heart out to. Instead, comfort them and protect them from the hurt you feel at all costs. Try to keep the infidelity from touching them in any way. After you have taken care of your children, you will be free to deal with the emotions you feel on your own or with the help of other adults.

Another way to deal with the hurt caused by infidelity is to throw yourself into your work. The more you focus on your work, the better your work will be. You will also have less time to think about your hurt while improving your position at work. You could also find something new to focus on such as a new hobby.

If music is a hobby you enjoy, try putting on some soothing tunes to relax you and to slow the racing thoughts in your mind. Watching a mind-numbing but funny television show can also give your mind a chance to rest.

You may learn yoga and Pranayama (breathing exercise) which will help you to calm down your nerves and give you a peace of mind. Yoga will help you to attain a strong body and mind. Pranayama also will help you to get a calm mind. You can learn meditation as well. Meditation is a great art which will help you to live a brave, happy and peaceful life. It gives a lot of physical and mental strength.

Infidelity will cause you great pain, but letting your mind focus on the negative aspects of it will only hurt your mind and body. You have to work through it at some point, You can surround yourself with people who love you and want to see you come through a stronger person. Try to calm yourself before confronting your spouse so you can begin the healing process. These tips will help you come through the storm to sunny skies again. Just remember that you can do it.

About the Author:

Divorce Can Burn A Hole In Your Pocket, And Your Heart

Published under Family by Alex Archer. No Comments .

by Alex Archer

Divorce can take a toll on anybodyas wallet or heart. Reputable lawyers are getting more and more expensive. Seventy-five dollars an hour or more is the norm if you seek a quality legal representative, maxing out at around $450 an hour if you hire a really good one.

A number of legal representatives will necessitate a considerable allowance from the start varying from $500-$10,000, according to your financial assets. If you have a lot of nice things, savings, and so forth, expect an increased fee, as the notary will deem you have a great deal of items to battle your spouse over. Divorce wreaks havoc on everyone involved, unless youare the one that went to law school.

Divorce is a billon-dollar business and the top people in charge of handling it reign supreme. You are only one person in this market looking for your customer service, and all types of surcharges will be involved. Label yourself fortunate if you get out of your divorce with much to show thanks to this all-encompassing business giant.

Thinking about the myriad of not only positive but negative consequences of breaking up, you might determine that in the money or moods department, it just isnat worth going through all that without at least one more attempt at fixing your marital problems, via counseling or otherwise. If infidelity was a factor in hurting your union, remember that the feelings involved may be just too fragile to fix.

A stay of separation is usually best in these situations to allow both spouses the time they need to decide if they are able to move on and work on reconciling. It is difficult to get in touch with your feelings while living with the spouse, the one that was hurt will be angry and demanding of answers and find no comfort in them after hearing them, the one who hurt the other devotes their time to apologizing, answering all the questions and begging for forgiveness until growing angry and bitter themselves upon not receiving it.

With the high cost of divorce, financially, or emotionally comes another cost, the reality that you are now alone and sometimes after a long marriage this can be a very depressing time. It is hard to adjust to being without your mate, no matter how much they irritated you, you will still miss them.

Your way of life will undoubtedly alter from what you knew previously. Youall have to get used to your fresh surroundings, be it a downgrade in home size or days without your offspring. You wonat have a choice but to adapt to different living conditions, so take some time to think about that before you Google divorce lawyers.

To overcome the financial and emotional burdens that divorce brings you may have to get a second job, cut out pleasures like seeing movies and eating out, this will make it hard to meet new people or to begin dating while your pocket book is on lock down so to overcome the emotional side of it, surround yourself with family and friends and maybe take in a support group, those are free and you can listen to how others are adjusting in your situation and maybe even make a new friend.

About the Author:

For Stronger Marriage - Reasons To Stay Married After An Affair.

Published under Family by Alex Archer. No Comments .

by Alex Archer

You have just found out that your spouse has had an affair. The pain, the sorrow, and maybe the anger consume you. It is all over you may think. This marriage, that you have worked years on, is at an end. The person you loved and trusted no longer feels the same for you. Why not stop, and think about it?

There are reasons to remain in your marriage even after an affair. It is a natural response of human beings to look upon others with lust in our eyes. For many who have married their first love, the idea of a sexual relationship with someone other than our spouse can be most intoxicating, whether we act out on that fantasy or not. Even simple flirtation can be subconsciously engaged in with no intent of taking it any further. Being human entails thinking, feeling, and sometimes even doing things that may not be the most rational choices. And when that happens, we can make an additional choice to use the errors in judgment to learn and grow.

Here is a reason to stay married after an affair: Learning from mistakes makes as stronger. If we do it together as a couple, it makes our marriage stronger. Any problem, any issue, any pitfall or disaster that you work through as a united team will build your marriage and your relationship up.

Sometimes, as human beings, we don’t remember to think things through, and instead act hastily. Perhaps that is what brought about this affair. It doesn’t matter very much who is the one that wandered off into the arms of another person. What is important here is whether you and your partner have what it takes to survive this and become stronger and more unified as a result. Providing that the party that had the affair is honestly regretful, the marriage still can exist, and even better than before.

Caught up in the moment of the affair, you might be asking yourself why stopping the infidelity is a good idea. Ask yourself about any guilty feelings you might have had when the affair began, and look deeper, to see why you had this guilt. You probably had no intention of hurting your spouse, nor did you wish for your marriage to end. Was the guilt because you do in fact love your spouse? After all, you both have invested a lot of time and self in the building of this marriage. Yes, you do love your spouse after all.

Granted, marriage is not forever filled with newness and excitement. Over time, no one knows you better than your spouse. Right now you are enjoying the intrigue and the danger of having this affair. But what happens later? As occurred in your marriage, with time, the sensation of newness and mystery fades into something more familiar. And when the feelings in the affair fade, as they will surely do, the thrill of it all will be ended as well. It is then that your spouse will be someone you want in your corner, the person who love. Act now, not when it is too late.

Another good reason to end the infidelity is because no one knows you like your spouse, the person you have lived with for years on end, who has seen you at your best and at your worst. Despite hard times, they have remained with you. They love you, and you still love them. This ugly dishonest relationship on the side is driving a wedge between the both of you. You need to stop it.

When you married each other it was in love. That love has played a big part in holding the relationship together when the storms came. Now, you have another storm to face together. If you both have what it takes to work past the affair, you will come out the other side of it stronger and more deeply in love. Because of the reasons you married each other, these same reasons are the ones that will keep you married.

About the Author:

How Infidelity Hurts Society

Published under Family by Alex Archer. No Comments .

by Alex Archer

We all too commonly hear about cheating spouses and infidelity on talk shows and reality shows. They bring on warring couples who dramatically expose their cheating in front of live studio audiences. Some shows have even popularized the idea of having a fling outside of marriage to fulfill some imagined desire. And yet, the difficulty of a relationship surviving past infidelity underscores the far-reaching and negative effects an affair can have on society as a whole.

If you look at the statistics, youll find that infidelity is a major concern to both married and engaged couples. These statistics also say that one in five divorces will result from infidelity. Its not just the man who is guilty of cheating anymore. Statistics show that women are now cheating on their marriage just as often as the man.

If we are to fix some of the problems facing the nation today, we must look at the overarching effects of infidelity on society as a whole. Cheating often leads to divorce, which can break up an otherwise stable home environment. And divorces are painful experiences not just for the couple, but for everyone involved. Divorce can especially have a strong negative impact on the children. A child of divorce is more likely to experience emotional trauma and lasting issues with trusting people of the opposite sex.

Often its the children who suffer when a parent is unfaithful. They can have trouble learning to trust members of the opposite sex. Many children suffer from low self-confidence and from feelings of insignificance. Theres a loss of control when a home breaks up that can leave a child feeling insecure. And the child may even grow to resent either or both parents for breaking up their home.

These problems dont magically go away as the child ages. In their teenage years, children of divorce sometime jump into poor relationships, desperate to grab onto what they hope is a loving, stable relationship. Other children turn violent, acting out against their parents. And sadly, too many children of divorce turn to drugs and other destructive life choices.

The children arent the only ones making poor and often reckless decisions after a divorce. It is common to discover one or both sides of the broken couple becoming driven to show themselves more successful in their job and in future relationships. This drive can lead to bad decisions and further heartache just because they want to demonstrate to the other person (though its often not true) that they are better off now that they are divorced.

These reactions arent healthy. And most times, when someone comes out of a relationship, they are emotional vulnerable and arent going to make good decisions. In some cases, after an infidelity occurs, it might be a good idea to take a step back and, instead of striking out emotionally, think about whether or not the relationship should be saved. Saving the relationship may save the family from a lifetime of emotional harm.

If an infidelity has happened within a relationship, contact the Affair Recovery Center. They can help people deal with infidelity in a healthy manner. Whether the decision is made to save the relationship or to breakup the family, the counseling the center can provide will help families overcome their heartache and grief and learn from the experience. And instead of adopting destructive or negative behaviors, such counseling can help people grow stronger and lessen the impact of infidelity on families and society as a whole.

About the Author:

Keep Infidelity From Ruining A Close Relationship

Published under Family by Alex Archer. No Comments .

by Alex Archer

Infidelity is a major problem in today’s society, but it is one that we tend to shy away from addressing or dealing with for various reasons. Many times, people work to quickly distance themselves from someone who has shown that they are untrustworthy without talking about why they were committing such an act while in a relationship with them. Many times, relationships can be worked out and salvaged even in the face of infidelity. No matter who you are, have you considered the reasons why to stop your infidelity?

Infidelity is divisive. Infidelity can hurt more than just the adulterer’s spouse, but the couple’s friends and family too. Children along with other family members, friends and acquaintances can be severely harmed by an act of infidelity. A child can carry the hurt and the guilt resulting from acts of infidelity by his/her parents for the rest of his or her life.

Need other reasons as to why to stop your infidelity? Consider your own emotional state. Persons who engage in infidelity often are trying to compensate for something that they were not getting from their own significant other or are trying to experience something that is emotionally unhealthy. Often times, infidelity can be the result of some other psychological problem. In addition, you may not be satisfied with the results of your infidelity, particularly if you had no emotional attachment to the person you were committing the act with.

Infidelity is often looked upon as the ultimate act of betrayal. In the movies and gossip magazines the issue is all too often painted in black and white. Instead, infidelity may simply be the symptom of an underlying problem which, once understood and acted upon can result in a saved relationship. There are certainly shades of gray and there are certainly complexities to consider. Infidelity isn’t always an act of not caring or an act designed to hurt. It can also be a cry for help.

If you’re in a relationship that is being hurt by infidelity the importance of seeking professional help cannot be overemphasized. People sometimes attempt to resolve an infidelity issue on there own. There’s nothing wrong with that but it’s not always the best approach. It can be much easier to discuss issues with a trained and sympathetic professional who knows what to ask and how to deal with the answers. A couple trying to resolve the issue on their own or with untrained help may not succeed in uncovering underlying issues or may introduce issues which only make resolution more difficult.

When you are sick or injured you may have to undergo a period of therapy to recover. Repairing a relationship damaged through infidelity can also require a period of therapy prescribed by a professional. This may consist of a series of visits to the counselor, some rules and regulations to follow, some things to try out or, in extreme cases, a trial separation. A competent professional will generally try the less drastic measures first, leaving separation as a last resort.

Research shows that couples who go through counseling or therapy after infidelity occurs stand a great chance of saving their relationships, often strengthening their bonds. Isn’t the prospect of strengthening the bond with the one you’re married to or in love with a good enough reason why to stop your infidelity? Consider, too, that couples who stay together can also provide a better living environment for their children, which can make their lives better as well.

If you’re guilty of an act of infidelity you may be tempted to believe you’ve gotten away with something and can continue to get away with it. With this frame of mind you’re only likely to get in deeper and deeper, not only hurting your partner but damaging your own mental health and emotional state as well. The sooner you face the issue and work to make a positive change, the better. Don’t hesitate to reach for help, be it from your partner, a professional therapist, or both.

About the Author:

The True Cost Of Divorce Can Be Hidden

Published under Family by Alex Archer. No Comments .

by Alex Archer

We all hear it too often. Boy meets girl, both fall in love and decides to get married, down the road someone gets involved with an affair, one party is severely hurt by an affair and pushes for a divorce. Marriage ends and there goes another point to the board that says \”Happy Endings Are Myth\” and along with it paying the high cost of divorce, financially or emotionally.

These days, our society accepts divorce as an unfortunate but accepted reality of married life. While annulments have been around for centuries, divorces are different. Divorce is a way of ending a marriage, without the death of a spouse, while a more traditional annulment declared that a marriage was void from the beginning.

Some married couples mistakenly view divorce as a magic solution to their relationship problems. Yet in most cases this isn’t so and more disturbing is that they often jump to divorce without knowing the high cost of divorce, financially or emotionally.

Another common misunderstanding about divorce is that most people think that divorces will be over in a short period, and they can continue living they’re lives as if nothing happened. We’ll the fact is that the average divorce last for about two years and most of the time costing more financially than first imagined.

While hiring a person to represent you in divorce court can vary depending on the circumstances, the average figure thrown around to hire a good divorce attorney is usually $3,000 each for a one-day trial, more than most people originally expect. When you add in court fees and expert witnesses, that number quickly skyrockets.

Also, many people about to go through a divorce often underestimate the cost of splitting up that doesn’t appear at first glance. New mortgage payments or rent, a change in car or health insurance, the cost of a move to a new city or region, and of course child support or alimony, can all make a divorce a very costly thing to endure financially.

Then there’s the emotional cost of the whole ordeal that could lead to serious psychological problems. Divorce process encourages the focus of the past. Past mistakes, past problems and past disagreements. This diverts the attention of the present, resulting both parties slide to deeper anger and discontent with each other, reinforcing the problem rather than finding a solution.

One other misunderstanding people often have when they think of divorce is that they misappropriate the blame, faulting the other person, which leads to feelings of resentment and a victim mentality. This outlook can easily cause a person to feel helpless and even become clinically depressed.

About the Author:

Seeing The Real Costs Of Divorce

Published under Family by Alex Archer. No Comments .

by Alex Archer

Is your marriage in trouble? Before you consider a divorce, consider the high emotional and financial costs of divorce. Even if an affair has occurred (this is one of the most common reasons to consider a divorce), it is possible for your relationship to recover.

A marriage is a bit like a corporation and taking it apart is complicated in many ways just as dismantling a business would be but with powerful feelings involved as well. Sometimes a financial appraisal is just as much in order as an emotional one when considering a divorce. If only one partner was a wage earner or if one has made much more than the other, the financial change can be devastating.

In most cases, a divorce means maintaining two households and that is almost always much more expensive than a single residence. When children are involved, the choices in housing are more limited and more costly. In these days of high gas prices, commuting between two parents adds even more to the costs. Of course, being shuttled between two parents also puts undue stress on the children.

Many aspects of the high cost of divorce, financially, or emotionally, may not come to the surface until a true assessment is made of many things. Child custody can be a very rocky emotional issue and child support for the parents can be a financial nightmare as well.

Even when there are no children, dividing property and items acquired as a couple is difficult. There may be practical reasons for needing items as well as sentimental attachments to some things. If a home is involved, it may be necessary to sell it to fairly divide it and this can mean high moving costs and losing the place of good family memories.

If money is the reason for the split, seeing a financial counselor would probably be required to settle issues like dividing the debt. In this case, the process might even save the marriage.

If an affair is the cause of the split, you might be able to save the marriage with professional help. The clergy will often help at not expense, but there are also family services that charge on a sliding scale and private marriage counselors. Most importantly find someone who has experience with infidelity. Sometimes inexperienced or amateur counsel from friends and family can do far more harm than good.

Being hurt by an affair is normal for the betrayed party, but after all the same vows that pledge fidelity also speak of sticking together in good times and in the bad ones. Understanding the whys of an affair can help the healing process as can recognizing that the cheater is just a human being who like all of us makes mistakes.

The identity of being a couple should not be underestimated either, and divorcing changes the whole social dynamic with friends and activities. Even when both parties want a divorce, loneliness is common and so is drifting into impulsive relationships far too soon. A couple should try to remember the good times and put the current distress into perspective.

Divorce is expensive both financially and emotionally and in many cases can be avoided with the right help and the dedication to try to save the relationship. If divorce is inevitable, help from outside by experts may ease some of the financial and emotional pain. Being honest about the costs makes the decision clearer for both of you.

About the Author: